I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We need to feng shui this bitch.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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