I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
