I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
