I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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