I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
