I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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