there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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