i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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