I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
