is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My liver just had a heart attack.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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