i just wanna soil my oats bro
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize