take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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