just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
