Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
