it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
