we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
