We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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