Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
