she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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