she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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