I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
