So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
