we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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