I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
