just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
