Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
