He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
