i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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