you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
