well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need moral support for this bender
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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