The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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