My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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