New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
