and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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