It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
