At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
