I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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