I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
