I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
