goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
