i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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