i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
