i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
