if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
