drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
