Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
