I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
love makes seman taste better
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
