Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
