bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
