his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
