The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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