I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
