so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize