There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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