she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
