Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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