He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
