Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize