he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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