i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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