So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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