She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
