i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
