Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
