I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
