every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
